“Emerods in their secret parts” (I Samuel 5:9)

This week we had an episode about Uzzah who put his hand on the Ark of the Covenant and was struck dead over it. And this story opened up a great conversation about respecting the holiness of God and honoring His presence.

In case you missed it, you can find it by clicking the thumbnail below:

This came in the midst of a story in which the Philistines had previously stolen the Ark from the Israelites themselves, and I made mention of the fact that they were smitten with “emerods in their secret parts” for their trouble.

I Samuel 5:9 (KJV) - And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the Lord was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.

Whatever that means, it certainly doesn’t sound good. And you’re probably better off not knowing.

But if you must know despite all that I just said, keep reading.

The Original Raiders of the Lost Ark

At this time, the Philistines worshipped a false god called Dagon. In I Samuel 4, they engage Israel in battle. The Israelites foolishly bring the Ark of the Covenant with them into battle, thinking it brought them such a blessing that it would ensure their victory. However, the people were living in such sin during this time that God wasn’t impressed with His holy item being used like a good luck charm. The Israelites end up losing not only the battle, but the Ark itself.

I Samuel 5:1-2 - And the Philistines took the ark of God, and brought it from Ebenezer unto Ashdod.

² When the Philistines took the ark of God, they brought it into the house of Dagon, and set it by Dagon.

Who was Dagon? I remember as a kid, I always imagined Dagon to be some kind of dragon- essentially because of his name.

However, believe it or not, Dagon was a different mythical creature: a mermaid.

And what happened when the Ark of God was brought into the Temple of a false god?

I Samuel 5:3-4 - ³ And when they of Ashdod arose early on the morrow, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the earth before the ark of the Lord. And they took Dagon, and set him in his place again.

⁴ And when they arose early on the morrow morning, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the ground before the ark of the Lord; and the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off upon the threshold; only the stump of Dagon was left to him.

Wow! When they walked into Dagon’s Temple the next day, he was bowing before the Ark of God! Can you imagine the spiritual warfare that must have been taking place in that room throughout the night?

They set Dagon up and tried it again, and the next morning, this time his statue was missing its hands and head.

I don’t know exactly what the statue looked like, but if it had a mermaid-like shape—propped up on its hands—it makes sense that without its arms, the body couldn’t stay upright. That could explain why the statue was found “bowing” forward.

Not only was Dagon’s statue destroyed, the people of the city were smitten with emerods.

I Samuel 5:6 - ⁶ But the hand of the Lord was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.

This causes such a panic that they end up sending the Ark to another Philistine city- Gath. But the same thing happens again: emerods in their secret parts.

So they send the Ark on to another city: Ekron. And once again, a plague of emerods (and death) was unleashed.

So what are these emerods?

So what are the emerods? You can get a pretty good idea by adding an “h” to the beginning of the word. They were hemorrhoids.

If you want the medical definition of a hemorrhoid, you can click here, but I’m hoping you don’t need it.

The Philistines were afflicted with these hemorrhoids in their, um, secret parts, which understandably caused a panic wherever this occurred.

The Philistines consult their own witch doctors for some kind of answer to the problem, and they determine that the quickest way to get rid of the emerods is to send the Ark back to Israel.

I Samuel 6:2 - ² And the Philistines called for the priests and the diviners, saying, What shall we do to the ark of the Lord? tell us wherewith we shall send it to his place.

Or as Monsters, Inc. so succinctly puts it:

Perhaps the strangest part of this whole account is what they sent with the Ark. The witch doctors propose that they send back some kind of “trespass offering” with the Ark to appease God’s wrath.

I Samuel 6:3-4 - ³ And they said, If ye send away the ark of the God of Israel, send it not empty; but in any wise return him a trespass offering: then ye shall be healed, and it shall be known to you why his hand is not removed from you.

⁴ Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague was on you all, and on your lords.

The Philistines favorite number is 5, so the number is not the odd thing about this story. The odd thing is that they somehow fashioned 5 hemorrhoids out of gold to send along. I have no idea how they did that.

And I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to leave that as one of the great mysteries of the Bible.

Treat God with Honor

The lesson we pull from this account is similar to the lesson we learned in Uzzah’s story: treat God (and His stuff) with respect.

And it’s also a theme we’ll be speaking on in this Wednesday’s episode of the podcast, which is called Ephesians: A Spiritual Warfare Field Guide.

In this episode, it’s all about how to remain “charged up” in the spirit so that you can handle whatever the devil tries to throw at you. If we want God’s power, we must do what we can to remain in His presence. This episode will tell you how to do that.

(and if you haven’t checked out the new website yet, what are you waiting for? WeirdStuffInTheBible.com)

Everyone have a great Memorial Day Weekend!

-Luke